Just Like on TV

Okay not really.

My grand jury experience was interesting, moderately exciting, and a little disappointing in some respects. The first thing I was disappointed in was that the (two pairs of) agents who drove me from and to the airport (although they did for the most part look the part and produced cool badges) drove regular cars, not black Suburbans with tinted windows like I'd hoped. They were also all very nice and friendly.

I was also disappointed by the judge who swore me in beforehand, since he was not wearing a robe, his "chambers" looked like a regular office, and although he did the "raise your right hand and swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth" bit, apparently they dispense with the "so help you God" part and the Bible nowadays. Disappointing. (Maybe it was a little too un-first-amendment-y?)

Although it was moderately exciting to be accosted by reporters in the lobby outside the attorney general's office ("Excuse me, can you tell me if you're here for such-and-such case?" "Ummm... I'd rather not say..." "Can you at least tell me your name?" "Uuuhhh... no, that's okay. But thanks for asking....") they were print reporters with their little pads and pencils at the ready, not television reporters with cameras and microphones. Also disappointing.

The grand jury room, though with more (bored-looking) jurors than I'd expected -- I forgot that grand juries have more than twelve -- looked more like a classroom, and the witness stand was far less intimidating than the ones you see on TV. And there was not a judge in the room. Again: disappointing!

The court reporter was cool, sitting right by me typing away furiously. I'd like to see a copy of the transcript so I can see how many times I said "Uhhh", "y'know" and "like". I tend to say those things a lot when I talk and I am totally unconscious of it usually.

Otherwise, the proceeding mostly involved explaining the context of emails I wrote at work between two and five years ago and describing projects I worked on and what went on at meetings during the same two-to-five-years-ago time frame. Remembering the emails and projects I was pretty good at (seeing as how they had the emails nicely printed out and displayed on an overhead projector to refresh my memory), but the meetings for the most part I couldn't remember much about. ("Let's go over who else was there. Was so-and-so there?" "I think so." "How about so-and-so?" "Maybe." "So-and-so?" "Don't remember." "So-and-so?" "Yes! She brought sandwiches!")

I mean really, who remembers much about work meetings, even ones at which allegedly illegal activities were discussed, except who brought the sandwiches? I was pregnant at the time, and sandwiches were very much on the forefront of my mind. (Mmmm... those were good sandwiches... Not worth going to jail over, but good sandwiches).