The Carrot and Stick Approach

Becca has finally started crawling forwards! Here she is, with a little enticement from one of her favorite toys (the TV remote)

Dinner Dillemmas

When it comes to dinner, lately I have a lot of dillemmas. Back in the old days (pre-kids) I had enough of a problem with dinner because of the picky eater I am married to, but with kids my problems have doubled. (Once Rebecca starts eating more solid foods maybe my problems will triple).

Joel has made strides to widen his culinary repertoire in many respects -- he now eats more vegetables and fruits than he used to, as well as fish and shrimp. But in other ways he has gotten more picky because he now follows a no sugar/low carb diet the staples of which are lean protein, fruits, vegetables and whole grains.

Ben's culinary issues I have addressed previously. Throw in a 10 month old baby and a full time job, and what's a girl supposed to do for dinner?!

Here is what I have been doing the last few months. You go in and assemble (or have them assemble for you) all the raw ingredients for your meals, then keep them frozen and thaw and cook them as needed, following the cooking instructions which are usually very easy (like stick it in the oven). But it is hit or miss... some months there is not enough on the menu that Joel and Ben will eat for various reasons (actually Ben will almost never eat any of it) and sometimes the portion sizes are a little small (they claim to feed 4-6 people and we usually split them into half portions since there's only 3 of us eating them).

So on Saturday I am picking up a few meals from here instead, which is actually closer by and seems more flexible in terms of number of meals per order. The August menu looks better than the July menu, but I ordered 3 meals (splitting two of them into half portions) from the July menu. One of them I will take over to our neighbor who just had a baby. The others we will try out and then decide whether to continue with this place, go back to the other one, or try something else entirely.... like cooking from scratch? Nah...

A Sobering Thought

Last night at the concert, surrounded by college kids and twenty-somethings, Joel complained, "We're too old!"

"Who's this 'we' you're talking about?" I griped.

"You're only three years younger than me," he pointed out.

"I look younger than I am," I said, which may or may not still be true but I am sure I will claim it until my dying day.

Afterwards during the drive home, as Joel complained about how late it was ("We can't go to another concert on a week night!") and I complained about my back hurting from sitting on the hard-as-concrete ground (we had lawn seats), a horrifying thought occurred to me... Maybe we *are* too old for this.

Nah... Just don't ask me how tired I am right now.

The Wonders of Modern Technology

The other day I was chatting with my friend Kris (Hi Kris!), and complaining that I had finished watching seasons 1-3 of Weeds and had no way to catch up on what I'd missed of season 4 (currently airing) since I don't have Showtime on Demand (it's only available with the DirecTV DVR package, which I don't have).

Kris said I could watch it on her TV, since she has Showtime on Demand.

I said, Thanks Kris but I think you forgot I live in North Carolina now.

And that's when she told me about this piece of technology that she owns. With a small software download and a couple of settings typed in, there I was watching Kris's TV in her home in PA from here at my computer in Charlotte. ("If the channel changes," Kris warned me, "that means someone is home and trying to watch TV.")

Ah, the wonders of modern technology!

Chicks Dig the iPhone

Today's my birthday -- happy birthday me! Coincidentally (okay, not so much) it is also my sister's birthday -- happy birthday Abby!

I took the day off from work today (I think I may start a tradition of taking the day off on my birthday). However, it has not so far been the very relaxing day I had planned. I somehow got involved in far too many errands, most of them fruitless. Just a few of the places I have been today, after dropping both the kids off: Ben's pediatrician (to drop off a form they need to fill out for preschool), Barnes & Noble (cup of coffee and to buy a new book since I finished The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao), Wal-Mart and Target (both in a misguided search for lawn chairs which I gave up on), Verizon Wireless store (to check if the contract on my phone is up, potentially freeing me to buy an iPhone), Apple store (line for iPhones was an hour and a half long and they only had the white 16 gig model left), AT&T store (no iPhones there either), Honda dealership (finally picked up the new registration and license plate for the Pilot - I'd been driving around with old registration and plates for four months), Breugger's Bagels (lunch), Carolina Cafe (cupcake), Starbucks (more coffee).

At Starbucks I finally sat down for a few minutes and started to read the book I bought at Barnes & Noble this morning, A Long Way Gone: Memoirs of a Boy Soldier by Ishmael Beah. (I've been wanting to read it for a long time, ever since I saw Ishmael Beah on the Jon Stewart show). Anyway, after a few minutes of reading it my day was put into a bit of perspective and the paucity of iPhones (though still annoying), is certainly not quite as troublesome as, say, seeing your whole family get killed and being forced into the army at age 13..

Tonight we have tickets to see Counting Crows with Maroon 5.

Dinner and a Movie

Last night we had a babysitter, so we went out with Joel's parents. We ate dinner here, which was very good. The cast iron cornbread with honey appetizer deserves special mention for being tasty and unique -- at least in my (pretty vast I'd say) dining out experience. The service was so fast it was uncanny, so perhaps they were trying very hard to clear us out but I didn't actually mind because we were seeing a movie afterwards and I hate stressing about whether I'm going to get to my movie on time because of slow service at a restaurant. We saw the new Batman movie - no spoilers here, I'll just say it was very good but I thought 30 minutes could have easily been trimmed out of it and it would have made for a more enjoyable movie-going experience. Afterwards my knees were stiff and achy like I'd just been on an airplane or something.

Stuck In Reverse

Universal Law of Child-Rearing #1

One of the Laws governing the universe as pertains to child-rearing is that as soon as you throw something of your child's away, no matter how long it has been since they asked for it last, as soon as it is in the trash they will ask where it is.

Case in point - yesterday as part of my closet cleaning/organization I threw away a stack of Ben's preschool artwork that had been sitting in one of the drawers in the kitchen. (I also saved a stack, but he's got many years of school artwork ahead of him and you can't save everything right?) Anyway one of the things I threw away was a kite made out of construction paper that he made in preschool back in March. So, we're talking.... four months ago? After not mentioning this kite or asking for it in the intervening four months, he walks up to me today (the very day after I threw it out) and asks, "Where's my kite?"

ME: [playing dumb] Errr, your what?
BEN: My kite! The one I made in preschool?
ME: Uhhhhh... I don't know.....

What Ben Said #3

At dinner last night Ben announced, "The names go out of my head."

I was trying to spoon beechnut stage 3 somethingerother into Rebecca's mouth while she (as usual) banged violently in her high chair so I didn't respond at first.

"Mama! The names go out of my head!" Ben repeated, louder.

I looked up. "I have no idea what you're talking about, sweetie."

"The names!" he insisted. "Sometimes they go out of my head. And then I can't say them because I don't know them anymore."

I looked at him blankly. "People's names, you mean?" I ventured.

"Yes. They're very small -- " Here he put his hand up and waved it around the air by his right temple as if to indicate very small things in the air by his ear -- "so you can't see them."

I tried to make sense of what on earth he was trying to communicate. "You forget people's names sometimes?" I guessed, stifling a laugh.

"Yes!" He looked relieved that I was finally understanding him.

"Whose names do you forget?" I asked.

He spread his hands and gave me a sheepish look. "Everyone's, sometimes."

I leaned over and patted his arm. "That's okay sweetie. Daddy forgets people's names all the time too."

Moving In

13 months after our move to Charlotte, I am finally getting around to unpacking the last of the boxes. Our master bedroom closet -- a big walk-in -- has been the last refuge for items remaining to be unpacked. Mostly books. I have gotten most of them unpacked, but I have a couple left to go - among them a box of school notebooks of Joel's, the one on top has "1986" written on it in magic marker... how's that for being a pack-rat.

Things I'm glad I found - a binder containing 90 typed pages of a novel I started writing 6 or 7 years ago and had all but forgotten (reading it now), wedding pictures, year books, my senior thesis from college, photo albums...

Things I threw away - a vast quantity of very old software, manuals, and broken peripherals for computers I haven't owned in years. (Like the Medion laptop).* I also finally threw away the two boxes full of notes,papers,desk supplies and coffee mugs from the job I left when we moved from Hershey to Blackstone. (In other words over four years ago). Well, I kept the coffee mugs.

Since for some reason we have no bookshelves in this house -- two big screen TVs yes, but no bookshelves, go figure -- I put all Joel's medical books in the hall closet next to our bedroom, and put everything else on the big shelf on the back wall of our bedroom closet. Man I hope it holds... what a crash that would be. The camera angle was not wide enough to show all the books... the shelf is like five or six feet long.

*If you are not familiar with the story, my former coworker (Hi Bob!) told me about this deal on a laptop... Legend has it that I paid cash for it off the back of a truck in a supermarket parking lot. That is a nice story but is not entirely true. I did have to pay cash for it, and it was at a supermarket, but the truck part was embellished later for better storytelling effect. Anyway, as you might suspect, the laptop broke twice within the first six months, and then finally broke a third and final time a year later (when the warrantee was up and fixing it would have cost $600). The worst party of the story is that since this occurred during a very cash-poor time of my life, I sold two ounces of gold to help finance the purchase. Gold was not particularly valuable at that time, I think I got $300 or so an ounce. Today of course, gold is selling for over three times that. So I haven't got the gold anymore... or the laptop. Unfortunately, I cannot chalk that up as the worst financial decision I have ever made. But that is a story for another day.

Whatever Happened to the Boy Who Ate Anything?

Below is an excerpt from my last blog (blog number two to be exact). This is dated July 6, 2006:

Harry Potter may be The Boy Who Lived, but I have The Boy Who Eats Anything. No food group is ignored. Rice? Broccoli? Beans? Loves ‘em. Pan seared mahi mahi stuffed with lump crab meat on a bed of asparagus? Bring it on.

Oh the irony! It is so ironic it is almost painful. The other day I made the unforgivable mistake of serving turkey burgers that contained diced scallions. Ben took one look and pushed his plate away in horror. "It has green things in it!" As if I'd served him vomit or something. I am now dealing with a kid who claims to not even like pizza (says he doesn't like tomato sauce). Peanutbutter and jelly? Nope. (Doesn't like peanutbutter). And forget about anything in the legume family, or any vegetable besides lettuce, broccoli (sometimes allowed), or corn. Anything green in physical proximity to a piece of meat is not allowed, nor is any type of lumpy anything, nor is anything with visible seeds (including bread, buns or bagels with sesame or poppy seeds). And as for meat, if it's not chicken (preferably in nugget form), there's only about a 10% chance he'll take even one bite.

My boy who ate anything has turned into Joel - but worse. I didn't think it was possible.

Photo Essay #5: I Need More Sleep

A Message for the Tooth Fairy

Dear Tooth Fairy,

I know you normally take teeth away and leave money, but I was wondering if maybe I left you some money you could bring some teeth instead? You see, Rebecca will be 10 months old on Friday and she still has no teeth. Zero, nada. The only non-baby food items she can gum successfully without gagging are tiny pieces of soft bread or cake, and tiny pieces of macaroni and cheese. Yes it's true that they make lots of interesting flavors of baby food nowadays -- pear strawberry granola, and sweet potato and cinnamon bisque with chicken, and creamy wheat with peaches. However I don't know how much longer I can fool my daughter into thinking these are real food. And I can't help thinking that her happy, toothless grin would be even cuter with some pearly whites showing.

Please consider this request carefully.

Respectfully yours,
Becca's mommy

Student Driver

Lately every time we are in the car I get peppered with questions about driving, nonstop, from a certain newly-turned-four-year-old in the back seat. It started a few weeks ago when he asked when he would be old enough to drive. I told him he could start learning to drive when he is sixteen. Either Ben thinks he is going to be sixteen in very short order, or he is really trying to get a leg up on the studying: "How do you make the car go faster?" "How do you make the car go slower?" "What happens if you turn the wheel too fast?" "What does that P stand for?" "How much gas do we have? Is it pointing to the E? What happens if we run out of gas?" "How do you make the car go backwards?" "What road are we on?" "How fast are we going?" "What's the speed limit?" "Why are you slowing down? Because we're going up a hill?" And on, and on, and on. These examples I provided are not condensed from the past week of driving, they are from this morning's 7 minute drive to camp. And I left some out for brevity's sake. I must admit, I am pretty impressed with his powers of observation. He must be doing nothing but staring at the dashboard whenever we're in the car, watching all the controls and the display.

Unfortunately for me, he's starting to ask some tougher questions, like about exhaust and what it is and where it comes from and why some cars have more than others. (I launched into an explanation about newer cars, emission standards, smog, and the ozone layer). After that one, I almost wished he'd go back to asking about electricity -- a couple months back every time we got into the car he'd say "Let's talk about the power lines..." and then I'd have to give an explanation of electricity and how it works, which I am sure I mangled badly. It's becoming clear to me that I'm going to be the one who needs to study, if Ben's questions continue.

Sunday at the J

Happy Birthday!

Today is my niece Anne's 6th birthday.

But this is not her. She lives in Philadelphia, which is a little too far to travel for a birthday party. If someone would email me some pictures (hint hint), I'd post one. But all is not lost. We did go to a birthday party today, anyway. Just not my niece's. This is Alejandro, the son of one of Joel's colleagues. He celebrated the big 1 today.

Rebecca was happy to participate in the cake eating, also, after we noticed her looking at everyone else's cake with puppy-dog eyes and took pity on her. Ben spent the day losing his new flip flops every 5 minutes, and wearing goggles which he claimed turned him into Batman. Or maybe it was Spiderman...

A Dillemma

A long time ago, maybe even before Ben was born, my mom gave me a book called Too Much of a Good Thing: Raising Children of Character in a Permissive Culture. I haven't read it. I'm not sure where it is. But lately I've been thinking I ought to. Ben asks for toys all the time. Lately I've been doing better at telling him no, he doesn't need any more toys right now. He's probably gone about three weeks without getting any new toys from me (and that's only because I pulled the "you just had a birthday" card). Unfortunately three weeks is probably getting close to a record. This picture of his room does not show all his toys. The toy chest at the foot of the bed is full, as are the two bins by his night table, the angle is not wide enough to show all of his room (race track, toy castle...), and he has another big basket of toys downstairs in the living room. And more in the garage...

According to an Amazon.com review of Too Much of a Good Thing, one of the questions it poses is "if your daughter forgot her sneakers [on a trip or something I think] would you buy her new ones?" Unfortunately I think my answer (yes!) is not the correct one. But, after a cursory search, I cannot locate the book (Most of our books are still sitting in unopened boxes in the closet from the move last summer. Heavy boxes. Stacked one on top of the other). So my dillemma is.... If you can't find a book you know you have somewhere, do you spend the time and energy to find it, or do you buy a new one....? If I buy a new one have I already failed my son?

What the... Who Ate My Pie?!

You knew I'd rise to the challenge, right?

I Feel Slightly Ill Now

It was worth it though.

Mmmmmmmm.....

Blueberry peach cobbler!

A Costly Misconception

Ben seems to be under the impression that eating power bars (I buy him Z-Bars which are Clif bars for kids) will turn him into a grownup. I did not catch onto this until he had eaten 3 of them tonight. I thought he was just hungry and hadn't eaten enough dinner. When I told him he couldn't have a fourth he complained, "But then how will I turn into a grownup faster?" I explained that he could eat all the power bars in the world, and it would not turn him into a grownup any faster. Unfortunately my explanation was too late to prevent a stomach ache.

A Study in Contrast

Ben naturally has a much darker complexion than Rebecca, but with a summer tan the contrast is even more striking. Poor Becca on the other hand will never have a tan in her life...

To the Inventor of Eggo Kung Fu Panda Waffles:

Thank you for putting pictures of Kung Fu Panda characters on my son's waffles. My son did not have much trouble eating your waffles before, but now he wants to eat them for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. While I appreciate your innovation and creativity, do you think next time you could try to maybe put pictures of cartoon characters on, say, broccoli, instead?

Ben's First Date

Last night we went out to dinner (here) with another couple whose younger daughter Maya goes to preschool and camp with Ben. Yesterday morning when he got up, Ben announced that he needed to take a bath. I normally bathe the kids at night before bed, so I asked him why. "Because we're going out with Maya tonight so I have to be clean!" he answered. Okay, fair enough... I let him take a bath.

I have never been so ignored by my son as I was at dinner last night. He and Maya sat at the opposite side of the table from me, which was big because there were 8 of us. He spent the entire time talking and giggling with Maya with a look of complete adoration on his face (I kid you not). They even held hands after dinner, as we took a walk to get ice cream and listen to music. Maya's dad gave him money to buy ice cream for himself and Maya, and he took this responsibility very seriously.

Ben's date tired him out - he didn't get to bed until after 9 last night, and slept until 9 this morning. As I am typing this he is sitting in his pajamas watching cartoons and asking me if he can go back to bed!

What Ben Said #2

"Mom, if Rebecca goes near a boa constrictor then it might eat her and then I wouldn't have a baby sister anymore, and I wanted to keep her."

(I had to promise to keep her away from boa constrictors).

Becca's 9 Month Progress Report

I've decided that every 3 months I will post an update on Becca's milestones, because I don't remember anything at all from when Ben was a baby (if I had, maybe I would have decided not to have another kid, ha ha).

• FEEDING: Is beginning to feed herself finger foods (clumsily). No teeth yet! A big gagger - eating mostly stage 2 baby food still.
• LANGUAGE/EXPRESSION: Says consonants ma,la,ba,da,ga. Shakes her head "no" sporadically but appropriately (when she is done eating). Claps her hands
• GROSS MOTOR: Pulls herself to standing with assistance (does not crawl or pull up by herself yet)
• BEDTIME: Sleeps 12 hours at night pretty consistently (finally!)

The Tools of Parenting: Distraction

Yes, the Distraction Technique continues to work even on my four year old:

BEN [after scraping his knee on the way out the door at camp yesterday]: It really hurts!
ME: You're okay, bud. It's just a tiny scrape.
BEN [faking a limp, tears welling up]: But it REALLY--
ME: Hey guess what?
BEN: What?
ME: I got you pudding today.
BEN: You did?! What flavor?
ME: Chocolate.
BEN: Chocolate?! I LOVE chocolate!! It's my very most favorite flavor!!
ME: I'll let you have some when we get home if you promise to eat your dinner.
BEN: Okay!

(Scraped knee entirely forgotten).

The Caped Crusader

This morning, as I was in the kitchen packing Ben's backpack for camp, Ben was in the living room watching television. A commercial came on for a video to teach your kids about "stranger danger". I was half-listening to John Walsh tell me why I needed to order this video, and half wondering if I really did need to order this video, and half wondering if Ben was paying attention to the commercial or had zoned out waiting for his cartoon to return. And then Ben announced, "I don't need to be afraid of bad guys."

"Why not?" I asked, my silent question about whether he'd been paying attention to the commercial answered.

"Because I'm Batman," he announced matter-of-factly.

"Well, sweetie," I tried, "You still need to be careful and not go anywhere with a grownup you don't know."

He looked at me as if I was being utterly obtuse. "No I don't," he said. "I'm Batman!"

Great. How do I break it to him that he's not Batman?

A (Small) Measure of Independence

Something almost miraculous is beginning to happen. Twice so far this week, Ben has gotten himself out of bed in the morning.

Yep, that's it. That's the miracle. One of the quirky things about my son is -- up until now at least -- once you put him in his bed, he stayed there until someone came to get him out. Now, when he turned two and we had just switched him from his crib to a toddler bed, this was great. We were not one of those unfortunate parents who had to wrestle their kid back into bed every 5 minutes. When Ben was ready to get up in the morning, he would call for me. If it was very early I'd try to ignore him for a while, and occasionally he would go back to sleep or at least be quiet for a while. When I was ready, I'd go get him up.

Over the last few months I started worrying about this. What if something happened to me during the night sometime when Joel was away at a conference or something? How long would it take Ben to get out of bed and come looking for me? Would he stay in bed all day, calling for me, wondering why I wasn't coming? Yes, I actually worried about things like this. What can I say, I'm a little neurotic.

I started broaching the subject with him. "You know, Ben," I'd say, "you don't have to wait for me to come get you in the morning. You can get out of bed yourself."

"But I'm too scared to," he'd say.

Fast forward to this morning. I'd gotten up at 6:15, nursed Rebecca, and put her in her swing. She was just starting to drift back to sleep. I was just starting to drift back to sleep. And then over the baby monitor I heard Ben bounding into Rebecca's room. "Hi Rebecca!" Rebecca laughed. Ben laughed. More laughter and thumping about upstairs ensued.

I groaned and put my head under the pillow. "Go back to bed Ben!" I mumbled crossly.

Separation Anxiety

Maybe it was because of the three day weekend, but neither of my kids separated easily from me this morning. Becca was absolutely fine when I put her down on the play mat at her day care, put her bottles in the fridge, diapers in her cubby, signed her in, etc. Then I bent down and gave her a hug and a kiss goodbye, and her reaction was instantaneous - she started bawling so hard she had to pause mid-scream to catch her breath.

She was the easy one. Ben was in for a special treat today - skipping camp to go downtown to see the play Aladdin with his grandparents. But was he looking forward to it? Nuh-uh. As soon as the doorbell rang I heard the scamper of little feet as Ben high-tailed it for the hills. I found him in the hall bathroom, with his arms wrapped around the toilet and clinging for dear life as though he were going down with the Titanic. I had to pry him off and bodily march him out the door to the car, trying to reason with him over his sobs-- "You're going to have fun today! More fun than going to camp! Nanny and Papa are taking you out for a special day!" (Now get in the car and go have fun damnit!) I waved cheerfully as they drove away, Ben's little face still looking forlornly at me out the window. Good grief!

Night Out

Last night Joel's parents babysat and we met some friends here for dinner. I knew we were in for an expensive evening when between the four of us we racked up a $100 tab at the bar before we even sat down to eat dinner... But after a few drinks everything, including our $400 dinner, seemed pretty amusing. So much for keeping the Amex bill under budget this month. Oh well - there's always next month.

Positively Unpatriotic

I was downright unpatriotic today. I did not dress either of the kids in red, white and blue, nor did I attend any 4th of July festivities. Joel took Ben to the JCC's 4th of July pool party, but it coincided exactly with Becca's naptime, and since Becca was beginning to show the subtle signs of illness that would go unnoticed by all but a trained professional (ok, she was running a fever) I decided that skipping naptime and spreading her germs around the public pool would be a bad idea all around. So I stayed home and read The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao (halfway through now) while Becca took a nap and then played with a Rubik's cube for an inordinately long time. (She did not solve it but I think she came close).

Later we ordered Chinese food (it's as American as apple pie, right?) and after the kids went to bed we watched another few episodes of Weeds (midway through season 2 now). When the fireworks started, my first thought was not to go to a window or go outside to see if I could see anything, it was "That better not wake the kids up!"

Independence Day? Bah, humbug!

Photo Essay #4: Bad Hair Day

Not So Subtle

It's time to start dropping birthday hints. That is, if Joel would ever read my blog...

Lofty Aspirations

I thought most 4 year old boys were supposed to want to be a policeman or a fireman or something when they grow up. Mine seems to want to be a waiter. Most nights at dinner - and especially if we have company over - he rushes eagerly back and forth from the kitchen, bringing drinks, taking "orders", setting the table. "I'm the waiter! I'm the waiter!" he yells if anyone makes a move to get up from the table to get anything.

The other night I casually mentioned, "You know, Daddy used to be a waiter." He looked at Joel with a look of total amazement. It was as though I'd just told him Daddy was Superman. "He was?" The fact that Daddy is a doctor now doesn't impress him in the least. But a waiter? That's cool.

Addicted

No, not to blogging... well okay that too... Over the weekend Joel and I started watching the first season of Weeds on DVD* What a great show! Why didn't you guys tell me to watch it sooner? Ha ha, just kidding (several of you did tell me to watch it. One of you even sent me the first season and a half and it sat in a drawer collecting dust for like a year I think before I finally dug it out).

*Despite the fact that I pay DirecTV some ridiculous amount of money a month for some ungodly number of channels, most of them including Showtime never actually get watched. I'm sure I couldn't find Showtime if I tried, and I have no idea when the new episodes of Weeds or any other show are on (except perhaps for Jon and Kate Plus 8). I know the answer to my troubles is TiVo - you don't have to convince me, convince Joel! Until then I pay an absurd amount of money for channels I don't watch and then on top of that I pay Blockbuster to rent episodes of shows on channels I could, but can't manage, to watch. Go figure.